Violet Crown Analytics · Johns Creek, Georgia
Open continuously. Admission free. Photography is permitted throughout the galleries; the works are already screenshots.
Every organization keeps one. It lives on a shared drive, it is opened with a small intake of breath, and it is understood by exactly one person, who left.
The Museum was founded on the conviction that these documents deserve better than quiet deletion. They are records of real pressure: of a deadline that arrived before the budget category did, of a board report due Friday, of a good person doing their best inside software that was not built for the question they were being asked. That the result is unusable is not a moral failing. It is what happens when a spreadsheet is asked to be a database, a filing cabinet, a calendar, and a memo at the same time.
We collect them, we label them, and we hang them on a wall where they can finally be appreciated.
| A | B | C | D | E | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Program | Contact | Status | Amount | Notes |
| 2 | Fall drive | M. Alvarez | ok | 1,200 | |
| 3 | Spring drive | T. Okafor | ? | 840 | ask |
| 4 | Gala | D. Petrov | ok | 3,150 | |
| 5 | Matching | R. Nakamura | ok | 500 | ? |
| 6 | Fall drive | M. Alvarez | ok | 1,200 | dup? |
| 7 | Board give | — | hold | 2,000 | |
| 8 | Spring drive | L. Whitfield | ok | 675 | |
| 9 | 9,565 |
Meaning was assigned by an employee who left in 2023. The key was verbal. The tab marked KEY is empty.
| A | B | C | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Date | Volunteer | Hours |
| 2 | 3/4/22 | M. Alvarez | 4 |
| 3 | 03-04-2022 | T. Okafor | 3 |
| 4 | March 4 | D. Petrov | 6 |
| 5 | ’3/4 | R. Nakamura | 2 |
| 6 | 4-Mar | L. Whitfield | 5 |
| 7 | 2022-03-04 | S. Boateng | 4 |
| 8 | 44624 | J. Ferreira | 3 |
| 9 | Mar 4 2022 | K. Doyle | 7 |
| … | |||
| 88 | last Thursday | A. Ruiz | 4 |
Within a single column the artist renders the same month as 3/4/22, 03-04-2022, March 4, ’3/4, and, in row 88, “last Thursday.” Conservators have declined to intervene.
| I | J | K | L | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Fund | Period | Total | Check |
| 2 | General | Q3 | 48,217 | #REF! |
| 3 | Restricted | Q3 | #REF! | #REF! |
| 4 | Capital | Q3 | #REF! | #REF! |
| 5 | Grants | Q3 | #REF! | #REF! |
| 6 | #REF! | |||
| 7 | Reported to board | 48,217 |
Cell K2 draws on a file last seen on a laptop returned to IT in 2021. The number is correct. Nobody knows why.
| Name | Modified | Size |
|---|---|---|
| budget_FINAL.xlsx | 11/02/2024 | 412 KB |
| budget_FINAL_v2.xlsx | 11/02/2024 | 418 KB |
| budget_FINAL_v2_FINAL.xlsx | 11/14/2024 | 402 KB |
| budget_FINAL_v2_FINAL_USE THIS ONE (rev3).xlsx | 11/19/2024 | 431 KB |
| budget_FINAL_v2_FINAL_USE THIS ONE (rev3) - Copy.xlsx | 01/08/2025 | 431 KB |
| ~$dget_FINAL_v2_FINAL_USE THIS ONE (rev3).xlsx | 01/08/2025 | 165 bytes |
| budget_OLD_do not use.xlsx | 10/28/2024 | 398 KB |
One of at least four extant versions. Two of the others are also named FINAL. The Museum has made no determination as to which is authoritative and considers the question outside its remit.
| A | B | C | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Name | Phone | Notes |
| 2 | M. Alvarez | cell is 555-0148 but call the house first, gluten free, 14 Oakhurst Ln Apt 3B, sorry this is a mess | |
| 3 | T. Okafor | no dairy // spouse handles scheduling // DO NOT EMAIL HER | |
| 4 | D. Petrov | vegetarian, 555-0192 after 6, moved in March?? check w/ Renee | |
| 5 | R. Nakamura | ok |
Contains phone numbers, three dietary restrictions, a mailing address, an apology, and the sentence “DO NOT EMAIL HER.” Reconstruction of the intended schema is ongoing.
Gallery Four
—
Calculating.
Gallery Four is given over entirely to the Hatch chile roasting week. The Museum will be closed intermittently without notice. Reopening is subject to change. The Curator is currently gloved and unable to respond to emails.
| A | B | C | D | E | F | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2018 RETREAT — REGISTRATIONS — DO NOT SORT | |||||
| 2 | Attendee | Session | ||||
| 3 | Name | Dept | AM | PM | Paid | |
| 4 | Alvarez, M. | Fire | y | y | y | |
| 5 | Okafor, T. | EMS | y | y | ||
| 6 | Petrov, D. | Police | y | |||
| 7 | Nakamura, R. | Dispatch | y | y | y | |
The work cannot be sorted, filtered, or safely opened on a laptop. Conservators have determined that any attempt to unmerge the header would destroy the piece, and that this is very likely what the artist intended. It is held flat, in the dark, and consulted only with permission.
Donations
If you have a spreadsheet that made you sit back in your chair, we would like to see it.
Conditions of acceptance:
Websites and the data behind them, run as one thing rather than two: builds, hosting, and the donor, registration, and reporting systems that are supposed to feed them. Mostly for small nonprofits with no IT department and no analyst, and for solo operators in the same boat. Generally the jobs nobody else wanted to touch.